101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
These things I hate
6. The game 'Ghosts 'n goblins' which is, by far, the hardest game I've ever played.
7. The Hubble telescope. Why?... I have my reasons...
8. Forgetting my password to access this blog... |:-(
9. The invisible prisons in which some mimes get caught.
10. The undead dogs of Resident Evil.
That's it for this week.
6. The game 'Ghosts 'n goblins' which is, by far, the hardest game I've ever played.
7. The Hubble telescope. Why?... I have my reasons...
8. Forgetting my password to access this blog... |:-(
9. The invisible prisons in which some mimes get caught.
10. The undead dogs of Resident Evil.
That's it for this week.
FACTS:
21. Five out of every ten bloggers think that the other half is crazy.
22. Bloggers can talk without opening their mouths.
23. Bloggers can reproduce in captivity.
24. If X of ¥ - ¼, to the variable of Rƒ, where R is the amount of stars in the universe, and ƒ is a number determined by the gravity of the Sun, why are bloggers so cool?
25. No bloggers were hurt while making this post.
21. Five out of every ten bloggers think that the other half is crazy.
22. Bloggers can talk without opening their mouths.
23. Bloggers can reproduce in captivity.
24. If X of ¥ - ¼, to the variable of Rƒ, where R is the amount of stars in the universe, and ƒ is a number determined by the gravity of the Sun, why are bloggers so cool?
25. No bloggers were hurt while making this post.
FACTS:
16. Bloggers do not eat Chocolate ice-cream.
17. Bloggers produce little electromagnetic charges that keep them always levitating.
18. This blog is compatible with every single version of bloggers, with or without service packs.
19. If a blogger came to be perfectly happy, a series of events would produce a chain reaction that would obliterate the entire universe.
20. Kiss me, I'm a blogger.
16. Bloggers do not eat Chocolate ice-cream.
17. Bloggers produce little electromagnetic charges that keep them always levitating.
18. This blog is compatible with every single version of bloggers, with or without service packs.
19. If a blogger came to be perfectly happy, a series of events would produce a chain reaction that would obliterate the entire universe.
20. Kiss me, I'm a blogger.
FACTS:
11. Bloggers are not affected by most +3 level spells.
12. According to legend, a blogger once found the backdoor to heaven. He spent his entire life inside an iron mask. And no, he's not Ironman.
13. A few overpriced watches don't have machinery in them, but tiny bloggers that work in three-hour-long shifts to provide the correct time of the universe. Which might not be the one you need.
14. If you think about something loud enough, a blogger will hear it.
15. Bloggers can run backwards.
11. Bloggers are not affected by most +3 level spells.
12. According to legend, a blogger once found the backdoor to heaven. He spent his entire life inside an iron mask. And no, he's not Ironman.
13. A few overpriced watches don't have machinery in them, but tiny bloggers that work in three-hour-long shifts to provide the correct time of the universe. Which might not be the one you need.
14. If you think about something loud enough, a blogger will hear it.
15. Bloggers can run backwards.
FACTS:
6. Ghosts are people who haven't met a blogger yet and, therefore, can't move on.
7. A Blogger thinks, therefore you exist.
8. I just know that I know nothing. But bloggers will teach me.
9. Bloggers can look up to the sky and say, without any mistake, if it is raining.
10. All bloggers have a 00 status. Hence, they have a license to kill.
6. Ghosts are people who haven't met a blogger yet and, therefore, can't move on.
7. A Blogger thinks, therefore you exist.
8. I just know that I know nothing. But bloggers will teach me.
9. Bloggers can look up to the sky and say, without any mistake, if it is raining.
10. All bloggers have a 00 status. Hence, they have a license to kill.
People don't know much about bloggers.
Truth is, there isn't much to know...
WRONG!!!
Bloggers are a new race and, as such, deserve to be analized and thoroughly investigated.
We have done this enourmous task for the good of the scientific community, and here are some facts that have been observed in this particularly interesting creatures.
Nobel prize, here we go!
FACTS:
1. Bloggers have an exclusive, complex language, which they use in two of the three annual conventions of worldwide bloggers.
2. Bloggers born after 1982 have Xenon Plus front lights, with Adaptive Light.
3. Every road leads to Rome, but begins at a blogger's feet.
4. The 13th Apostle was a blogger. Search his blog on Google... who knows, you might find him.
5. A Blogger was the first man to set foot on Mars. NASA insists on covering this up.
More to come!
Truth is, there isn't much to know...
WRONG!!!
Bloggers are a new race and, as such, deserve to be analized and thoroughly investigated.
We have done this enourmous task for the good of the scientific community, and here are some facts that have been observed in this particularly interesting creatures.
Nobel prize, here we go!
FACTS:
1. Bloggers have an exclusive, complex language, which they use in two of the three annual conventions of worldwide bloggers.
2. Bloggers born after 1982 have Xenon Plus front lights, with Adaptive Light.
3. Every road leads to Rome, but begins at a blogger's feet.
4. The 13th Apostle was a blogger. Search his blog on Google... who knows, you might find him.
5. A Blogger was the first man to set foot on Mars. NASA insists on covering this up.
More to come!
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like each other very much.
One day, while walking through the woods, they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each.
Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.
Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.
Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.
Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.
Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.
Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could.
One day, while walking through the woods, they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each.
Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.
Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.
Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.
Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.
Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.
Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could.
These things I hate
1. Floggers
2. 6 of the 7 little dwarves
3. Having to start every day by waking up
4. Hannah Montana
5. The rush hour (not the movies, which I actually enjoyed, but the real rush hours)
1. Floggers
2. 6 of the 7 little dwarves
3. Having to start every day by waking up
4. Hannah Montana
5. The rush hour (not the movies, which I actually enjoyed, but the real rush hours)
See no VaderHear no Vader
Speak no Vader
Don't come between a programmer and his red bull
Mutant catslaser eye beams keep the dogs away
Where's Princess Leia?we need to shoot that scene right now
Friendswill keep you warm so you don't catch a cold
I don't know where you went to school, Mr. President... but CLEARLY you missed a few lessons...
G.
G.
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